Inspirational Threads

For the next couple of months I am on a mission to make approximately 18 costumes for the Texas Renaissance Festival. Every year a large group of friends and myself get all dressed up, camp out in tents, and explore our fantasies. Generally, I am a wench. This costume is really simple to make. This year I have decided that I am not holding back. I am going to be an Athan’Miere from Robert Jordan’s incredible Wheel of Time series. The Athan’Miere are a group of sea farthing women who wander through their world selling wears. They are fierce merchants with truly unique garb. I will not go into much detail now. When I finish my costume nearer to November I will load some pictures. To complete all of these costumes before opening weekend I have been diligently working. This means many hours spent at the sewing machine. Generally, when I am there I allow my mind to follow its own whims.

As I was threading the bobin on my sewing machine today I began to think about thread. It is so fragile. I pull thread from my fraying pants all of the time, yet the proper stitch can hold a garment together for many years. Alone it can be broken and torn without much effort. With a little bit of elbow grease it is extremely durable. Like thread, I know that I am capable of being extremely durable. I, too, can learn to be lenient and stretched when need be. There are many instances where I believe a task is too difficult or a goal impossible. I know that with the right amount of dedication I can do anything. In reality, limits are things that we give to ourselves. They do not really exist. Although we do not have control over when our pass on Earth expires, we can control our bodies, minds, and actions. All of this thinking about thread reminded me of a familiar Greek tale.

Greek mythology is fascinating. In a proverbial manner, each tale depicts human nature through supposed divine beings, the Greek gods and goddesses. To decipher the multiple meanings within each tale you do not need to be a genius. You must only be aware of your capabilities as a human.

Due to the fact that for an extended period of time Greek myths were not written, multiple interpretations exist. The tale of the three fates is familiar to many people. Their duties have been portrayed in many animated films in the last twenty years such as Disney’s Hercules. The three fates represent the maiden, mother, and crone. Each fate has a specific task. Clotho spins the thread of life whilst Lachesis allots the amount of yarn. Atropos snips the yarn. The theoretical thread or yarn is representative of the life force or soul that resides in us. It is a culmination of all we have done and achieved in our life. Once an action has been performed it can never be removed. Every living being has his/her own thread. If every human’s thread was placed on a loom and made into a cloak there would be many imperfections. Many threads would be frayed or faded. This would represent the cruelty and greed of mankind. The cloak as a whole would not reflect this. Many flaws cannot overcome the overall beauty of humanity.

Determined to get to Avalon,

-Liv

Weighing in on Love

Most of the world’s religions teach us that humanity and all of creation was created out of love. Some deity, by whatever name, molded every living thing.

If humanity and life itself was created rather than a product of chance we must have been done so out of a unique love. It has been said that the most powerful characteristic of humans is their ability to love. Love is an essential part of society. It can be seen across time. The first stories humans ever recorded were love stories. Although, it has taken many forms throughout history it seems to be the one of the most reoccurring themes.

Love is what burns our souls. It gives us courage to do the things that we would not be able to do otherwise. This makes me question. Why does humanity constantly reject, deny, or attempt to change love? Further, why is it that we find ourselves loving the things that cause us the most personal agony? I do not have an answer. If I did I would not be asking these questions. I do have conjectures. I have thought about this subject most of my life. Like I have previously mentioned, media, in most forms, has taught us that we are not good enough. Thus, we go through life believing this. We are diligent in our quest to ensure that this is not true. Although, in a world where photo shop, air brushing, and plastic surgery exist, the media is correct. We will never achieve their standards. To deal with this we do one of two things.

Some of us deal with this by falling in love with ourselves. While others suffice to quietly hate themselves. I choose this route. Remember: love is only a leap away from hate. It went on throughout my entire teenage years until fairly recently. The funny thing is that I did not even know that I disliked myself. I was a happy person. The only indication that I was unhappy with myself in any way was my obsession with weighing myself. I was utterly absorbed in what I looked like rather than who I was. In my world being beautiful was not an innate quality. It was something you must strive for by maintaining ones appearance at all times. Lip gloss and eyeliner where always on hand. They were my disguise. Knowing that society never looked beyond glowing skin and luscious lips allowed me to hide despite the fact that I was standing in the middle of a crowd. It was my armor of sorts. I have always been fairly happy with the person inside of my exterior shell. It was my outward appearance that mattered. The one part of me that will die and one day rejuvenate the earth… or maybe poison it. This thought is what made me really think to myself, why do I care what I look like and what others think? It is senseless, really. Think about it. If we are what we eat then we are also what products we use. That means that most of us will eventually decompose and poison the earth rather than become lush fertilizer to improve . To me, that was a powerful thought to come to terms with.

Love is supposed to be unconditional, but how can we love anyone else in that manner if we can not find compassion enough to love ourselves. Technology mixed with media has corrupted love to the point where we find it difficult to love ourselves. This is astonishing considering how easily love seems to come to us. We love brand names, tanning, and actresses far more than many of us love ourselves.

Technology and media can only reveal their own methods for living. So in actuality, we have allowed these outlets to lead us to this point. We have allowed theses sources to control our decisions. To end this vigorous and vicious cycle we must set our own standards. As humans we are compelled to love. To do so, we must truly know its nature and its consequences. We can only achieve personal freedom and offer the same to our peers once we can once again believe that we are worth more than the $200.00 USD pair of Dolce &Gabbana sunglasses that we reward ourselves when we feel we did something good.

Avalon, to me, also represents a way of living that humanity has forgotten or lost. Love is one of the many elements that we have corrupted. Most of us do not even recognize what it once was. In modern day society when we think of love we think marriage which equals large rock on left hand. The diamond ring is not what makes us happy, it is the reaction of our peers that we seek. This is what love has become today. We no longer give our all in a relationship or to our friends. We are content with giving the appearance of doing so. We must recover the elements of humanity that we have buried within ourselves and scattered across time. If we are in a battle against society and the only weapons we have left were given to us by the enemy we must then search for the one weapon that would change the tides of war. Love is unconquerable. We must seek it out as if this war really existed. It might be our only chance.

Working Towards Avalon,

-Liv

Numbing the Senses

The first thing I do when I get into a car is check to see if National Public Radio or the BBC is on. I am often desperate for news of the outside world. I am unsure why I do this. I know that before I even hear a word out of the announcers mouth that he/she will inform their audience of those who have died, won various awards, and give us the update on such and such war. Why is it then that I feel the need to even listen to the news? All I ever hear is tales of death, despair, and individual achievement. There are rarely any unusual stories. Although, in real life, death and despair exist we do not dwell on these things. We would be miserable if we did. There is so much more to life, yet we tend to focus in on the especially morbid things. This monotonous cycle is not even noticed by many of us. When it is we simply note that it is and move on. I was pondering about this on the way to the fabric store when I heard a particularly gruesome tale on the treatment of women. The newscaster spoke on the event like a drone. The information did not even phase her! That disturbed me. Immediately after she announced the treatment of these girls she spoke on how relief efforts are pulling out due to the perilous situation.

How is it that we can speak of the misfortune of other humans without even a shudder. When did we become so dulled. Humanity has allowed media to completely infiltrate our senses. We are no longer shocked by news that should disturb us. In fact, we seek it out. Hell, even car crashes are a spectacle. I asked a close friend about this and her answer was blunt, but enlightening. She said “it makes us feel like our lives do not really suck.” Ouch! In America, a place where even our poor are blessed, at least in comparison to many other countries, why must we look at others misfortunes to feel like our life is not that bad? The media has increased our expectations of life. We no longer care about our next meal, because we feel we need to lose the weight anyhow. We want happiness and bliss to explode from our pores. If being blissful all the time is not enough we have an unspoken code about how to become this way. You must be thin, have enough money to shop for whatever your heart desires, and look like you have discovered the fountain of youth. This is impossible. Do you know that? So why do we continue on this path that we know will lead us to ruin​​?

I hate that despite the fact that I avoid many of the media outlets many people flock to, I too feel dulled. I want to reawaken my senses so that I can feel again. Do you remember when you were young and when someone hurt you were hurt too? I remember it, but I have forgotten the sensation. If we can reignite our passion we may be able to move beyond ourselves and notice how we treat others. Eventually, we might be capable of walking amongst nature again rather than on her. We were never taught to feel. It was something that we did instinctively, therefore it is a characteristic of our animalistic nature. As we “evolve” we seem determined to shed every part of us that resembles our natural (responses?). By doing so we are losing the very things instilled in our lives to guide us. It is like we are turning off our internal GPS and letting someone who only partially utilizes their brain drive us to an unknown destination. To ever reach Avalon or our final destination we must listen to our senses, love and grieve for those around us and live in a manner worthy of being a part of this ever developing phenomenon we call life. Before we can ever return to Avalon we understand ourselves and the world we live in. We must be platonic in all that we do.

Working Towards Avalon,

-Liv

Daily Magic

Sometimes life is just tough. Some days begin with a clean slate and the prospects are endless, but still you find yourself falling into a downward spiral where nothing makes you happy. You do not even know what is the cause of your ill mood, only that you are content to sit in your own anguish for a time. Today, began much like that for me. My foul mood caused even my dogs to feel depressed. That is fairly bad. At about twelve o’clock in the morning, I knew that I must force myself out of that mood.

My partner opened the door to let my dogs outside when a massive hornet flew into my house. I was sitting in my living area pouting, so I was able to witness the interaction take place. He simply asked the hornet politely to exit our home and it ACTUALLY left. For a second, I did not know what to think. Then a thought so large it made me sit up occurred to me. That was magic! It happened right in front of my face and I was unable to recognize it. You might be thinking that it was only coincidence. I must firmly disagree. If you would have seen this interaction you would agree too. Firstly, where I live there are lots of wasps, hornets, and bees. They frequently meander into my house. I have held the door open for multiple minutes waiting for these stinging bugs to exit my house. It has been my experience that they decline to do so. Usually, I must go on a safari within my home trying to place them back outside. I would not have thought to politely ask the bug to leave. I am not saying that the hornet understands spoken language. I believe it is the vibration of the tone that it reacted to. Typically, humans react by screaming or bolting as far away as possible. Both of these actions send harsh vibrations which I can’t imagine is pleasant to the hornets. It is interesting that the first time I ever witnessed someone speaking softly to a hornet it chose to go about its day without being a bother.

This made me realize that this is a daily magic that is often ignored or neglected. I think this might be so because we do not take the time or effort to treat other creatures in a civilized manner so we can not expect to get a generous reception in return. Magic is something that is innate. We must summon it. I believe that there are many kinds of magics. Each type of magic must be called in accordance with its nature. It is possible that humans have forgotten how to conjure magic because we no longer understand the nature of other life forms. Humans, as have species, have become so consumed with ourselves that we have forgotten that even beasts can communicate. Daily magic has been lost to us because we have lost our ability to communicate. The most fascinating part of this is we have done so in the midst of the age of technology where we supposedly communicate better and faster than ever.

Magic surrounds us. It is an act of magic that mothers can create life or that a yard of grass contains an entire eco-system that sustains millions of living beings. It is my firm belief that all magic derives from love. There is much more to say on the subject, but let us save it for another time.

Daily magic is just another step on the staircase to going back to Avalon

Working towards Avalon,

-Liv

What Makes Us Know That We are Alive?

What makes us know that we are alive?

We keep animals inside of our homes so that we may still feel like we are adventuresome. Some of us do it for friendship and that need for something in your life to represent loyalty. Whatever the reasons behind keeping animals caged in any manner, whether it is a legitimate cage or a home, we domesticate animals in the same way that we as humans have been domesticated. We grow ornamental gardens so that we can feel that we are still united with nature. We domesticate those to. We build small structures to harness plants in a way that makes them more manageable to ourselves. I do it too. I was sitting in my garden today noticing all of the walls. Yes, I have many different breeds of plants, but they are all grown in a specific arrangement. I designed the garden so that it would appear wild, but I know that there was organization and structure behind making it look that way. I remember a trip I took to the Smoky Mountains National Park a little under a year ago. I have never felt so invigorated. I strayed from the paths, climbed waterfalls and watched bears in their natural habitats. I have those memories imprinted on my soul. And every time I feel that my life is dull I tell myself that those memories of the park will be a reality for me someday. I want to live in a wilderness like that. Besides reaching Avalon it is something that motivates my monetary decisions in life. But, why is it that I can only feel free or alive when I am so far into a forest that I do not know or care how to get out? Shouldn’t the fact that I will graduate law school one day make me feel like I have a grasp on life? I guess in this world that we have created I understand that that should make me happy. According to society by doing so I will only then earn the respect and admiration of my parents and peers. It is not what truly makes me feel alive though. There are certain achievements that society places on young intelligent minds. Those goals have always been important to me. Not because I would be making some one proud. It is because I feel that when I can make my fortune I can buy my freedom from society and all of those artificial expectations. I feel that when I have made enough money I can withdraw from society and live a quiet life away from…well everything. I want to feel alive! I need it to survive. In today’s society to we even remember what it means to be alive? I believe that we have forgotten what powerful creatures we humans are. We do not need to dominate and domesticate things to have order. In fact this creates chaos. For centuries humans have been going against the grain and the natural order of life rather than living in harmony with it. I believe that when we learn to live in harmony with the world we are in we will not have to learn to be alive because our hearts will beat as one with life.

This begs the question: If I can not feel alive in the society that I am forced to live in… will the fires of my soul slowly burn to embers? Can it be renewed to a pyre once I have acquired enough money to become secluded within nature? Domesticated animals and gardens do bring me small happinesses in my scheduled world. Although, sometimes it feels more like a tease, a preview of sorts of what I must work towards. I do not want an animal to love because I hand feed it and pick up its crap. I want to know if I am capable of making owls and bears flock to me because they sense that I am not a threat. I want creatures other than humans to sense that I am a part of the life force not an outside actor. I want to know that plants and flowers exist without human intervention. I want to watch as every spring mother nature paints a new canvas of green that sustains millions.

To feel alive we must truly live. Thus, from today forward I choose to step out of my pre-constructed house and have adventures. It will be an experiment. Can I feel alive while still surrounded by humanity and her many creations and distractions? Possibly. I will keep you updated on how it goes.

Working towards Avalon,

-Liv

Avalon

***Alert Book Spoiler for T.A. Barron’s Great Tree Series***

I was speaking with my best friend and partner today about my blog. We have spoken much about it since I began it only a couple of days ago. He asked me what exactly Avalon was. I guess this is a fair question since you may be wondering yourself. Avalon is a euphemism for heaven or where it is you go when you die. It is also possible that your own personal Avalon is a place of escape. Avalon, to me, is very much in agreement with T.A. Barron’s Great Tree series. In the final book of the series Barron explains Avalon in the best possible language imaginable. I will give you a very brief summary so that we can continue.

Avalon is a place where many creatures such as: elves, sprites, dwarves, and humans live in a type of harmony with nature. The land in which the creatures of Avalon live upon is a fruitful forest paradise. Land and creatures are united in a way much unlike Earth. The inhabitants of Avalon live in a peaceful setting and are able to converse with all creatures there, even the animals. Would that not be absolutely incredible? Have you ever seen an animal whether in the wilderness or hanging about your house that you wanted to speak with? In Avalon this was not only possible, but common place. It was not an act of sorcery that every creature was able to speak to one another, although magic, good and evil, did exist. Despite a tranquil existence there was an under lying turmoil and evil that existed in Avalon throughout all of Barron’s unique books. It is in the final book that he finally divulges the reason for this chaos, humans.

Before I proceed I must explain to you how odd this was for me to read. I was stunned at first, but I soon came to terms with his explanation and even found myself in complete agreement with him. Think about it. Animals do have havoc and death among their numbers, but the majority of the time death is attributed to an outside human force. Age, instinct, or the rare disagreement in their numbers represents a small number of deaths and chaos* among animals. Animals do not question nature and instinct. They do mother nature’s bidding without thought. It tends to be humans who corrupt the natural order of life. To me this is powerful, honest, but somehow it makes perfect sense.

Barron concludes his final book in the Great Tree series by having the humans banished from Avalon. Should any humans chose to remain in Avalon they would be barren and unable to reproduce. Thus, no matter the choice the humans in Avalon made their species would soon cease to exist in that world. Humans were banished to Earth by the god Dagda and his consort for their incesent greed and selfishness as a species. All suffered for the sins of a handful. After all, it was the human race who lead Avalon to the brink of their existence. Many humans were easily lead astray due to their belief that they were superior to all the other species of Avalon. For me, this was a sad, but telling truth. Even now, in the real physical world, I can see the same seed of man that Dagda sought to end in Avalon. Mankind still views himself as the dominating species. We are quick to forget our weaknesses. We trample the Earth as if we are the masters of the world. We do so with little concern to what we may be destroying. Much like the god of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, Dagda gave the humans a shining, but improbable way to escape their banishment. When humans could mend their ways they would be allowed to return to Avalon.

DAMN! My pessimisim is leading me to believe that our likelihood of returning is something like -.000000001. Ouch! It is not that I do not believe in the ability of humans to change in a short amount of time. I know that we are fully capable of such a drastic change. It is that modern day society has been created in such a manner that we are praised for doing the exact opposite of this ideaology. I must agree with the fictional god’s decision. If Avalon is even a fourth of how I see it in my head I would strive to preserve it at any cost, even if it means that I will be lost to it for… lets not give it a time limit it is less depressing that way.

Therefore, Avalon is a representation of hope and a future you wish to escape to. Often, I escape there in my dreams. Is it real? Deep down I must believe that it is.

Dreaming of Avalon,

-Liv

Can Senses Lead to True Sensability?

The humidity must have been 100% today. I am not sure because I do not have cable. Therefore, the diminutive local weatherman was not able to tell me. I generally use my hair as my guide. Today it was extra flat. This is a rare occurrence. So, I believe the humidity was in the high 90′s. I would have asked the green man, but I have yet to find him at my new house. Although, I know that he is patiently grinning at me on one of my trees. Ever since I can remember my family has told me that patience is a virtue. I find that most women are incapable of possessing this one virtue. Daily it eludes me. However, I will continue to practice. Despite the humidity and extreme heat, I made it a point to sit outside and think. Tea and cigarette in hand I pondered for what seemed an eternity. When I walked inside I noticed that only 20 minutes had passed. Once again… patience out the window. Never mind, it is what I thought that is important. I was watching my eggplant grow when I began to think about Harry Potter. Why I did not get my acceptance letter into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry completely evades me. I have seriously considered hounding the post man about this. It is possible that I just missed it, since I am a frequent mover. Yeah, o.k., I will admit it is a bit absurd. Anyway, in Harry Potter the muggles were completely oblivious to the fact that another world was right in front of them. When watching the movie, I always thought HOW COULD THE MUGGLES MISS THE KNIGHT BUS??? (Book 4) Did not a single person feel the wind caused from the high speeds? What about the muggle’s senses? Were they not exploding from a rush of the paranormal? The real answer will never be known, but I never noticed that a single person diverted from their task at hand to think about what had occurred in front of them. Maybe, this is what we are missing daily. Is it possible that Avalon is right in front of us and we are missing it because we are too enraptured with the mundane tasks in front of us? I have always felt, even as a child, that I was missing something. There are times…multiple times a day that I feel the need to leave my house immediately. This is odd since my home is my sanctuary. At that moment though, I must go. When I prolong my departure from the task at hand I begin to fall into an impossibly foul mood. It is highly possible that I am moody and would like to attach another name to it. I would not be too proud to admit to it if this were the case. I would like to be able to explain it simply, but unfortunately I cannot. The situation seems much different than a typical mood swing though. Once I move on to another task I immediately feel like a weight has been lifted. There are other instances, too many to name in actuality, where I will be doing something that I have waited to do and then know that I must stop and do something else. I have never wondered aloud what these “feelings” were. Do you think it is possible that some, possibly all of us, innately have a sixth sense, if you will, that we constantly ignore? I have generally chose not to ignore these impulses. But what if I did? There have been times where I simply refused to stop what I was doing. When this is the case I fall deeper and deeper into a state of melancholy that can only be off set by doing something else. Sometimes I wonder if I am working in the garden and refuse to move when I feel that urging will I grab a snake? Is this urging possibly a sixth sense warning of some sort? Could mother nature (insert your deity here) be warning me that for whatever reason at that moment my place in the future will be assured if I am only willing to move on. I cannot yet answer these questions. I promise you that through the course of my entries I will attempt to become as at one with myself as possible.

In hopes that we will meet in Avalon

-Liv

Other Worlds and Various Tales

Am I really stuck in this time period? There is not a second of my life that goes by that I do no think why am I in this century? It feels like the fabrics of time were woven with a missing stitch and somehow I came through. I know that it does not make much sense. Much of what I write will contain little to no common sense. This is because to learn you must forget all that you know. Everything we have been taught is taught to us in the image of the teacher and their teacher before them and so on. Common sense is only common because it is what is normal in a particular region. What is common to an Englishmen is not common to an Austrian. If I am truly stuck on this sphere for the time being than I had better find a way to satisfy some of my deepest longings. My thoughts need to become reality. They can no longer be caged by this fleshy body. To truly live my being must be allowed to explore without constraint. In the past I have tried release my spirit by writing a fantasy novel. At least in a fantasy you can create the world you want to live in. On planet Earth you seem stuck. I sometimes feel as if a magical world or time portal exists right in front of me, but my human nature is unable to sense it. I have decided that my entries should be a real account of my life rather than the one I wish it was. It is unlike many other journals, in the fact that this is not necessarily a daily record of my actions. It is more a recording of what I am thinking. People often point out to me that I am constantly in my head. When I was younger I thought it was just that they were unable to keep up in the conversation. Now, I see that I truly do live inside of one of my day dreams. There have been times when I am in a conversation with someone and I just walk away. When I do it, it is not meant as a slight, I just think of something that catches my mind’s eye’s attention and go off to do it, forgetting entirely that anyone else is in the room. Seriously! People have even joked that this is the early stages of alzehimer’s disease. I am assuming you are wondering at this point who’s entries you are reading. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Olivia Hartfort. Olivia, if you please. It is a rather dull and normal name. One that becomes popular about every ten years. I wish it were more exotic like Lady Olivia the valiant. I would even be happy with something as simple as Morgana or Jane. Jane seems like a plain name, but throughout history there have been many courageous women with the same name. Yes, even Jane would be quite suitable. Anyhow, I think that most people recognize me from my rather distinguishable hair. It is large and unruly. To make matters worse it is an umber red color. I think the deity above was assuring all of society that I could not be lost in a crowd. Actually, I have never thought of it this way, but with the white color of my skin and the color of my hair I must look like a beach umbrella. At least I have shade, right? I am a dumpster diving, flea market junkie. I love the serenity of  French country designs and the feeling of a fire to warm my toes at night.  I am an artist and a lover of all things green. Although I live in America, I would not necessarily consider myself an American. It is not that I harbor ill feelings against this country. Like I said, I simply do not fit in. At the moment if I was forced to claim a nationality I would check off other and write Still Searching.

Your Partner in our Journey to Avalon

-Liv

A Dying Breed?

Before I begin please note: I am a technophobe. I will try my hardest to apply pictures and beautiful colors, but you will have to be patient with me. Technology, to me, is like learning a language that you really are not interested in.

I am an outsider in a world where everyone seems to come standard. This is not only applicable in a physical sense, but also mentally. Have you ever walked into a party looking for someone you just met and you are unable to find them. It is not that you don’t see them. It is that their clothes and hairstyles are almost identical to the person standing to their right…and left and you just cannot tell which one is your new acquaintance. Typically, in my mind at least, if you are unable to tell apart two individuals by their physical features than surely when they speak you will immediately know who they are… right? No. For me this scenario tends to be frequent. I usually stand there pretending to know the difference between these three people. So I stand there being extra kind and laughing at remarks society believes we should find amusing. I never get the jokes, but I can tell you where to insert laughs and type lol to my peeps. This is not to say that I am in anyway above everyone else. I am different. I simply do not fit in. I never have. I often wonder if I ever will. Although, this is not a future that I foresee. At this point in my life, I no longer care if I “fit in.” I am so utterly sick of trying to live up to the standards of those who surround me. I want to live up to the person I hope to be. In the end, this is the only opinion that matters. I am on a journey to unlock my own capabilities, find out what it really means to be a human,and locate Avalon or something magical I know must be there. People generally believe me to be a bit odd. They would be right to think so. In comparison to the world of standardization, I am. You must think that I am crazy. I’m not, at least if I am it is unbeknowst to me. I am writing this as a testament and a way to immortalize myself. I am attempting to reach out to the masses through technical means, other than my regular visits to the growing world of technology: college research, e-bay, and a few other truly useful sites, to find out if I am the only other person like this. Am I a dying breed or one of a kind?